How do we change?

There is one thing that is certain, human beings all have down periods in their life. This is a natural cycle of emotions and it is the down periods of life that give us the lessons and becomes the soil in our gardens which gives the basis to grow a new life. It is how we tend to our garden and the weeds that grow within our mind or how we deal with these times that potential can happen and makes us different. We are responsible for our own emotions and no matter what is happening in our lives we have choices but it’s not always easy, and can be extremely challenging, but acknowledging it’s not easy is good and gives us something to work with, it gives us hope and potential for change because our future and reality is all in our own hands.

she wished her situation would change


I was talking to my client, Joan the other day, she was feeling down in the dumps, she owns a florist shop, and struggles to make a living for herself each week, taking home less money than her employee’s, yet she worked extremely long hours and appeared to be doing everything right when it comes to building a good successful business, but it just wasn’t happening for her.  Her overheads were killing her and she just wasn’t getting enough clients and revenue through the door for her to get ahead.

Joan certainly wanted to change her situation and build her business, she dreamed of a knight in shining armour coming in and saving her, carrying her off into a wonderland of “happily ever after”, she wished her situation would change.  She had an internal story that said she couldn’t do this and would need to be rescued by her knight.

We all want change in our lives and most people, like Joan, try to “will” change, they work hard, long hours and push themselves working really hard to force change so they get different results, but it doesn’t work, things don’t change and often we have no idea why or what has gone wrong when we have worked so hard.

Why doesn’t working hard work?Hopeless Concept Black umbrellas and dark sky

People often put a lot of effort into working long and hard to try to turn their business or life around, they are too busy to work on their mind, so their mindset is still the same as when they weren’t succeeding, they still feel exactly the same, believe exactly the same things as they did before.  The internal dialog or the way they speak to themselves has not changed and they see themselves in the same negative light just as they were before.

In Joan’s case although she worked longer and longer hours her negative self-destructive thoughts going through her head were defeating any positive actions she did, she didn’t believe she could be successfully on her own and was constantly looking for her shiny knight who might rescue her or have the answers for her.

Your subconscious creates your self-identity and Joan had created the identity that she would always struggle because she couldn’t do it on her own.  Her subconscious was negating her ability to succeed on her own because she didn’t believe she could do it.

You have to ask yourself what your subconscious mind is telling you by self-sabotaging your success, knowing this will be the key to unlocking the secrets of changing your subconscious beliefs.

Change Happens On The Inside

Change happens on the inside, on the inside of you, it is all about how you see yourself on a subconscious level and unless you change your self-image internally it is not likely to happen at all. Our subconscious beliefs and expectations create our daily actions and habits.  It is our subconscious identity that drives all of our behaviours and not our “will”.

It is the “I am”, or “I am what I am”, that is inside of us.  These are the most powerful words you can ever say to yourself, it is who you are in your soul, your godly self that you can use to create what ever you desire.

Joan knew on an intellectual level that how her life went, was up to her and she knew everything was her choice, but she struggled to see how she could change it, she just couldn’t work any harder than she currently was.

“Your subconscious mind controls 95% of your life.

Change your subconscious beliefs,

And you will change your reality!”

-Vinod vinu

When we dug deep into the emotions Joan was feeling on a subconscious level, she felt like a failure, she didn’t believe in her own abilities to achieve and didn’t expect to win on her own without someone beside her.  Joan’s internal story said she needed a man to hold her hand, she was insecure about her own capability to be successful.  Her subconscious or how she truly saw herself, was sabotaging her dream of running a successful business and being a successful business woman and making a lot of money.

Choosing to think differently can be extremely challenging for all of us at times, and being honest with ourselves while taking 100% responsibility for our thoughts, beliefs, emotions and subconscious actions can be even more challenging, so much so, that sometimes we all need someone, just as Joan did, who we trust, to point out the bleating obvious, the hidden truth or facts we are ignoring or choosing not to see. That someone may be a friend, a Life Coach or both. Our subconscious self-belief can be like the pimple that is sitting in the middle of our face that is hidden from our view, but to the rest of the world is displayed proudly and as obvious as night and day.

The breakthrough to creating real change happens in your self-image and what you believe about yourself, then the new subconscious identity drives our new positive attitude and empowered newly created behaviours and habits, which in turn influences the actions we take, it has nothing to do with willing something or wishing for something or even working harder.

OK so how do you do it?

To bring anything into your life,

Imagine that it’s already there.

  • Richard Bach

Changing Our Sub-conscious

The first place to go on the emotional scale is to know where you are because of the choices of the past, then you can ask yourself what is it you really want and what is not working in your life?  It maybe something big or something small, but make sure it isn’t something someone else is responsible for.  Once you know this you have the choice of having something to work with.

I have written the same thing twice. Because it is worth reading it twice. Try reading it out aloud too. The first place to go on the emotional scale is to know where you are because of the choices of the past, then you can ask yourself what is it you really want and what is not working in your life?  It maybe something big or something small, but make sure it isn’t something someone else is responsible for.  Once you know this you have the choice of having something to work with.

Decide what is it in life you really want to have in your reality and then who you really need to be to have this and ask yourself if this is the person you really want to become?  Be 100% honest with yourself and ask yourself if that is the person you really want to be because if you can’t believe that you are this person then you will probably never take the right actions to be able to have it.  Need help with working out what you really want?

Morning Routine

Once you have made the decision to change your subconscious self-image of what you believe about you, a good way to start is by have a daily morning practice of visualising your new way of being. Make sure you don’t let your head get in the way, feel things through your positive emotions because we are at our happiest when we are creating things, so make sure you are in a state of joy so you can create. Being in a state of potential means we can create amazing things and by amplifying the joy and fun we bring things into existence.

Desire Brings JChange Concept Colorful umbrella flying over black umbrellasoy

If you think of a time when you are thinking something positive, when you are having an uplifting moment, you will have a smile on your face, you will be feeling good about you, relax, release any tension in your body, breath in deeply through your nose and out through your mouth, find the place in your heart that feels inherently happy this is the state we are trying to create.

Take some time out for you, sit in a comfortable chair, close your eyes and hold the thought of this new possibility in your mind, visualise that you already have it, set a couple of scenes that will come into existence, put yourself in this setting when this has happened, go to the place where it has already occurred and you already have it, how do you feel?   Open your heart to the joy of a celebration, or a milestone you’ve achieved, breath and relax your spine as you hear positive and inspiring words, feel each of these words and all the emotions.

Picture everything about it in your mind, you have what it is you want now.  You have it now in real time, hold on tight to the image and feel into it, feel all the details and see yourself in the image being the positive confident person you have become.  See yourself being the deserved, confident person you already are who has achieved everything you have set out to achieve in life.

Visualise this new way of being through your own eyes, see how things will be different, feel into your heart this new desire and possibility, see the potential with your heart, not your head.  Your heart will feel more open, more relaxed.  Your smile will grow as you stay in this joyous space and celebrate the feeling.  Keep bringing the joy into every cell of your body as you feel it.

Remember this has already happened in your mind and the universe doesn’t know the difference between what you are visualising and what is reality, so go there in your mind and make it real, smile and say thank you thank you, thank you.   Be in the energy of feeling and successfully having whatever it is you want.

Below are a series of questions you can ask yourself before or during the visualisation to help make sure you are in a positive state:

  • What is your deepest desire?
  • What am I wanting to bring into existence?
  • How do you want to be and feel every day?
  • How do you really want to live your life?
  • Can you imagine you have this already?
  • What day did you get it or when did it happen?
  • Who was with you?
  • What did they say to you?
  • What colour is it?
  • What does it smell like?
  • Does it taste?
  • What does it feel like?
  • How do you feel when you hold it?
  • What does it look like?
  • What does your life look like now that you have it?
  • How are other people treating you now?
  • What are others saying to you?
  • What has changed in your life now you have this?
  • Who have you become so you can have this?
  • How are you feeling?
  • Are you happy?  Secure? Blissful?  Ecstatic?
  • Excited?  Self-Confident?  Knowledgeable? Assertive?
  • Can you feel the energy pulsing through your veins?
  • Are you proud of yourself for getting it?
  • Are you proud of who you have become because you have got it?


Believe In Yourself

Know you will be ok through all of the change, be confident that you will thrive, most importantly you must feel this with compassion to yourself.

A shift of consciousness is the most important thing to creating a new life, a new way of being and a content life.

I’m Lorene Roberts, a Holistic Counselor, Root Cause Therapist, trauma-informed advocate, and transformation mentor. As the author of “Crazy Stupid Love,” I’m passionate about helping individuals overcome trauma and rediscover themselves. Drawing from my personal experiences with trauma and abuse, I’ve gained a deep understanding of their profound impact on our bodies and minds.

Through extensive studies, I’ve acquired valuable tools and insights that can help you bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Together, we can confront the past, harness the right tools, and cultivate the mindset and support needed for success in life. Join me on a journey of healing, self-discovery, and positive change.


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